A tale of transmutation

Wanderlust, raising way too many questions.

November 11, 2022

You might have noticed an odd, poorly written line of newsletter sent to your inbox recently. While migrating to a different platform I sent out a suggested post by accident. Oopsie. Fantastic Tales now lives in Substack, where you and I can do way more, seems like. Don’t mind this boomer moment (though I can’t promise it won’t happen again).

Have you ever experienced being haunted by a place you have never been to before? An unhealthy obsession over somewhere you never visited, or more like an idea of it, whatever you imagine it might be like. Same that happens when people plan a visit to Disney for their entire lives, or follow a new restaurant on social media just because they are so very sure they want to go there, they can imagine what they are going to order. A lust for what you haven't experienced, or an ambition in a different form; the so-called wanderlust.

I had that with Scotland. The visit did pay off, I have to say, because the feeling I had when I imagined it was a facsimile of what I felt being there. Although now I wonder which influenced the other - was it the actual feeling that I was able to capture in my mind beforehand, or was that feeling something I constructed and then made into reality?

Trust me, that is the last thing I thought about during my trip, but once I got back I couldn’t think about anything else. How not only ideas transmute, but feelings too. Maybe, just maybe, the real Scotland was nothing like what I thought of it. But now I will forever think they are one and the same because they brought me similar joy and comfort. My expectations vs. reality matched and we are all adults here, we all know this is not often the truth. So what if - what if - wanderlust is a transmutational impulse? In more meanings than one.

You with me? You might not be, that’s fine. Wanderlust is a very strong or irresistible impulse to travel. I say it is also an obsession when directed to a specific place; it is a need and expectation for something or somewhere you haven’t experienced yet. When we get an urge for this thing or place, we unknowingly associate it with a mental state. How will we feel being there, what emotions will this bring. And then you get this feeling - a vibe, if you want to modernize it - in your head. Scotland is cozy. I will feel comfortable. Disneyland is going to be fun - so on and so forth.

And then you save your money and you get to Disneyland, hopeful for the vibe you had in your head. FUN. Doesn’t it mean you will make anything in your power to have fun? Won’t you transmute whatever vibe or feeling you are getting there to fit what you had in your head? I have talked about anxiety many times before in this newsletter, and how it also roots in a need to control the outcome in a universe where we control nothing. We want our expectations to meet reality, we want that desired feeling to be true, we want our wanderlust to pay off. So who’s to say it isn’t filtering our experiences? Was Disneyland really fun or were you just committed with having a good time?

There is also the need to change your reality. Lusting for travel, for a different somewhere, is also a lust for change. You might expect to feel something there that you are not feeling here, where you are. To transmute your mental state, your inner feelings, your vibe. To get happier, more knowledgeable, to learn something and become a changed person even if just for the experience itself. And if all of this sound too nihilist, I never said these are bad things; I’m just here, overthinking out loud.

-Maíra

This week’s recommendations: